SkyMilken

Jordana Gotlieb

Staff Writer

 

Milken Community Schools has officially purchased Skymall, the magazine found on airplanes that sells miscellaneous products and appliances, and changed the name to SkyMilken. The magazine will be available near the door of every classroom, and all items can be purchased in the Milken Mart.

 

Featured products include:

 

The MMassage Personal Massage Chairs

Photo taken from Lift-Chairs.com
Photo taken from Lift-Chairs.com

MMassage chair has been listed as the World’s Best Massage Chair. It can perform a shiatsu, Thai, reflexology and deep tissue massage. It includes seat heaters, a recliner for your in-class movies, a cup holder, and an iPhone charger (of course). Purchase today and receive a free horseshoe neck pillow!

 

Inflatable Mbed

Photo from hammacher.com
Photo from hammacher.com

Perfect inflatable tempur-pedic bed for sleeping during your free period. Take a break from your homework and enjoy a nice nap. Including a canapé and pull down television with surround sound.

 

MDrone

photo taken from stuff.co.nz
photo taken from stuff.co.nz

Never fear turning in your math homework late again! The MDrone hovercraft will fly your package to your teachers doorsteps.

 

M-Easy-Bake Oven

photo taken from laweekly.com
photo taken from laweekly.com

Sick of the same food at the Milken Mart? Learn how to bake new delicious foods using the M-Easy Bake Oven. Includes birthday cake, brownie, cookie powders. Never feel hungry again! Just pop it into the oven and pray that it is ready by the end of the day.

 

Garden Gnome

photo taken from squashbloglife.com
photo taken from squashbloglife.com

How do you improve on such a beautiful campus? Easy, just add Milken’s new Garden Gnomes to the Urban Farm! Gnomes are designed with the facial features of the teachers.

 

New Milken Apparel:

photo taken from zizo.com.au
photo taken from zizo.com.au

Celebrating Milken’s new logo, new apparel includes socks, jocks, hoodies, letterman jackets, rain coats (why bother), t-shirts, tank tops, baseball caps, knitted hats, yarmulkes, bath robes, gloves, sneakers, loafers, Crocks, sandals, swimwear (including surfing shorts), shoes and straight-jackets. Sizes range from S-XL. No Refunds!

 

Rolley Wheels

photo taken from chennai.all.biz
photo taken from chennai.all.biz

No need to fight over that one rolley chair in your class! Now you can have your very own by attaching these rolley wheels to the bottom of your chair. Package comes with 4 wheels. Caution: Semi-professional psychological research finds students become less focused on class work after spinning in circles more than 10 times (but boy is that fun!).

 

YoPhone

photo taken from hspin.com
photo taken from hspin.com

Never drop your phone again! YoPhone – a phone on a yo-yo – always comes back to you.  Various string lengths are available.

 

Tooth-Tunes

photo taken from entertainmentearth.com
photo taken from entertainmentearth.com

Brush your teeth while jamming out to Rabbi BK’s Niggun. Teeth should be cleaned after one play, and don’t be surprised if you find yourself brushing 17 times a day (its quite catchy).

 

Hologram Me

photo taken from koreantimes.com
photo taken from koreantimes.com

Attendance hologram- This gives the teacher a false perception that you are in class. It even has a setting called “Disinterested” for perfect replication of your usual face. Requires full body scan. You’re welcome!

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