MORAN VS FLIER: The Epic Showdown

Photo Courtesy of Britt Jacobson
Photo Courtesy of Britt Jacobson
Photo Courtesy of Britt Jacobson

Jordan Brenner and Sawyer Kroll with Justin Leff

Founders of the official Thomas Moran Fan Club

Throughout the past few months, serious conflicts between Ms. Elyse Flier, social science teacher, and Mr. Thomas Moran, English teacher, have arisen. Both honors teachers, they are considered the hardest graders for freshmen (no offense, Dr. Scoville).

Earlier in his teaching days, Thomas, widely known as one of the most ruthless men at school, introduced a ceremony to turn-in essays. He would play famous opera masterpiece, “O Fortuna”, as his depressed students handed in their papers, knowing that the best grade they could get was a C-.

However, it was a fateful Friday afternoon when Elyse climbed upstairs from her daily dose of steroids and stole the sacred turning-in ceremony and played “O Fortuna” for her students.

Enraged, Thomas hurried to his spaceship. After plotting possible courses of action, Thomas decided that a face-off with Elyse was the best way to ensure that the song would remain Tommy’s forever (he decided that world domination will have to wait).

Flier has been training hard and sticking to her intense diet, which consists of PETDs (Performance Enhancing Teaching Drugs), ice cubes, and gefilte fish. That being said, it may be difficult to defeat T-Man because it is widely believed that he is immortal. There is well-supported evidence that he has already lived two other lives, one as a WWI fighter pilot and one as a string bean.

Additionally, our sources tell us that it was indeed Thomas who wrote “O Fortuna” in the year 1602.

In preparation for the face-off, To-Mo has been catching up on binge-watching Game of Thrones, bullying little boys between the ages of 6 and 10, and failing all of the students in his classes.

Moran is the slight favorite in this fight with the odds at 5/3. The fight is set for pay-per-view on May 18 and will take place at the MGM Grand Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas in a Hunger Games-style arena. The winner of this match will not only receive eternal pride, but will also be able to claim “O Fortuna” once and for all.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Moran doesn’t have a chance! I’ve got years of experience on him. He may win “Oh, Fortuna” as his theme song, but I INVENTED the “Turning in Ceremony!” I have a patent on it.
    Let him try and take that away from me!! In addition, I think I am the harder grader!

  2. Attention all y’all teachers and kids
    Right now in the place to be (teach your class)
    I thought I told y’all teachers before
    Y’all flunkies can’t flunk with me (watch yourself)
    Now this ain’t for no easy graders
    No sir cause that won’t pass (show me whatcha workin with)
    But if you feel you got the toughest grades
    Then momma come watch my class

  3. Moran is “tching” for a fight. I will be coming to his class soon–but I won’t tell him when. It will be a surprise attack. And notice–for a difficult “English” teacher, he appears to communicate only in rap!! How about a little Shakespeare here, Moran????

  4. Moran is “itching” for a fight. I will be coming to his class soon–but I won’t tell him when. It will be a surprise attack!. And notice–for a difficult “English” teacher, he appears to communicate only in rap!! How about a little Shakespeare here, Moran????

    • Entered Moran’s class yesterday. He treated me to “Gopher Tuna”, a You Tube spoof on “O, Fortuna”. I suppose he showed it to prove that he owns the song. Fine. You may win You Tube, but I will win Pay Per View!!

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