President Wolfy’s Top 5 Shenanigans of the Day!
- Morning Announcements
We start the day off in the main office. Wolfgang’s palms are sweaty as he knows what is about to ensue — Birthdays! The blessed announcement for Milken’s students, but Wolfy’s biggest nightmare. He wonders, “What if I pronounce someone’s name wrong?” and a chill goes down his spine. 8:35 am rolls around and Wolfy knows that it is time. There was nothing particularly different about this day, and he carries on the birthday announcements as per usual. But soon after he says goodbye and turns off the speaker, panic strikes. Wolfy forgot to announce more than half of this week’s birthdays, ruining the days of many heartbroken Wildcats. How will he ever recover?
2. Speaks to His Loyal Subjects at Milken
It’s Wolfy’s favorite part of the day — getting praised and greeted by his adoring fans. Today’s first fan is Griffin Feldman ’20, golf superstar. Although Griffin is a celebrity of his own right, he is also ecstatic to see the famed President Wolfgang Hutton in the halls. Wolfgang takes these moments very seriously as he likes to treat all of his fans as though they are his dearest friends. They share a heartwarming hug, but out of fear that we would spoil this touching moment, Wolfy shoos our camera crew away.
In a one-on-one interview session, Wolfgang Hutton puts down rumors that he had been struck by the coronavirus “I probably don’t have it,” Wolfgang reassures his fearful subjects. What would Milken be without its dashing leader? Nothing. We are delighted to inform the Milken community that Wolfy is (most likely) safe. Whew!
4. A singer, voice actor, and drummer, but NOT an athlete.
It is well known that Wolfy is a man with many talents, but the one skill that has not been proven was his athleticism. To test his athletic abilities in an unexpected way, we decided it was best to throw a dried mango at his face and see if he is able to catch it. The verdict is… he is not athletic. Wolfy is SEVERELY lacking in this area. The good news is, Wolfy is not afraid of germs and even picks up and eats the dried mango from the floor!
5. Fashionably Late
Wolfy likes to keep people guessing because he wants to keep up his mysterious persona. This even applies to his presidential duties. Wolfgang makes sure to never show up on time to any Executive Class Council meetings in order to keep his councilmates on their toes. Will Wolfy show up? Or will he ditch? Wolfy is the only one who holds that answer (and us because we recorded him going to the meeting).
Wolfy would like to officially announce that he is stepping down from his position of Co-President and stepping up to be a contender for the President of the United States! See you guys at the polls and be sure to vote for Wolfgang Hutton.